Related to the many varients of the Derry Down songs, which were very popular from the mid-17th century onwards. Originally political satires, they devolved into bawdy anthems far, far worse than this version- The Pearl (a really, really rude Victorian journal, published 1879) had a truly terrible version about Adam and Eve…
Or go look at How Would You Like To Be Me? for a Kiwi version using a similar tomato verse as this one.
This version is possibly adapted by Dwayne Detroit? It's similar to the popular Rugby Club version.
To be zung in yer finezt Weztc'untry accentz
Now here's a sad story to you I will tell,
How I did the dirty on our little Nell.
She's four foot and handsome and only sixteen,
And 'er wanted a ride on my threshing machine.
Chorus
Oi'ad'er, Oi'ad'er, Oi'ad'er, Oi'ay,
Oi'ad'er, Oi'ad'er, the somerset way.
While she worked the throttle and I worked the steam,
Oi showed her the works of my threshing machine.
The barn door was open so we stepped inside,
Up in the hay loft I took Nell for a ride.
She was so cracking and only sixteen,
So I got out my monopoly board and showed it to her.
Chorus
Six months later and all is not well,
Our Nelly's belly's beginning to swell,
And under her apron there is to be seen,
The evidence of my old threshing machine.
Chorus
Nine months later and it is all well,
A baby is born unto our little Nell,
And under his nappy there is to be seen,
A brand new two cylinder threshing machine.
Chorus
When he grew older they called him Tim,
And some bugger threw a tomato at him.
Now tomatoes are soft and they don't break the skin,
But this bugger did it was still in the tin.
Chorus
Now for the moral to you I will say,
You buggers what likes to roll in the hay,
To keep yourself covered, you knows what I mean,
Keep a tarpaulin over your threshing machine.
Chorus
The original Wurzels version is as follows. Lyrics by Adge Cutler
Now I farmed in Carlsbury when I were a boy
A courting of Rose, she were my pride and joy
Now Rosie was pretty and just 17
When I showed her the works of my threshing machine
Threshing machine, threshing machine,
I showed her the works of my threshing machine
She told me that she were a much-travelled girl
Seen faces, been places all over the world
But there was one sight that her eyes never seen
A vertical piston-drive threshing machine
Threshing machine, threshing machine,
A vertical piston-drive threshing machine
We went to the barn and I took her inside
And said "If you're good I might give 'ee a ride"
It stood there all sparkling and shiny and clean
She said "That's what I calls a threshing machine"
Threshing machine, threshing machine,
"That's what I call a threshing machine"
She asked me to demonstrate how the thing worked
So I let out the clutch: the machine went berserk
You couldn't see nought for the smoke and the steam
When I started revving my threshing machine
Threshing machine, threshing machine,
When I started revving my threshing machine
When I said Rose could drive it, for better or worse,
The whole damned contraption went into reverse
The camshaft seized up - well, you know what I mean
And that were the end of my threshing machine
Threshing machine, threshing machine,
And that were the end of my threshing machine
