Songbook: The Philosophers' Song

Eric Idle, for Monty Python's Flying Circus, of course

Emmanuel Kant was a real piss-ant
Who was very rarely stable
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who'd drink you under the table
David Hume could outconsume
Scopenhauer and Hegel
Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just a s shocked as Schlegel.

There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya
'Bout the raising of the wrist
Socrates himself was permanently pissed.

John Stuart Mill of his own free will
After half a pint of shandy was particularly ill
Plato, they say, could stick it away
Half a crate of whisky every day.
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle
And Hobbs was fond of a dram
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart
"I drink, therefore I am."
Socrates himself is particularly missed
"A lovely little thinker but a bugger when he's pissed!"

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