Songbook: Isn't It Awfully Nice to Have a Penis?

By Eric Idle, for Monty Python's Flying Circus, of course
See also the special Wychwood version Isn't It Awfully Nice to Have a Fanny?

Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis?
Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong?
It's swell to have a stiffy, it's divine to own a dick.
From the tiniest little tadger to the world's biggest prick!

So three cheers for your willy or John Thomas.
Hooray for your one-eyed trousers snake.
Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend, your Percy or your cock.
You can wrap it up in ribbons, you can slip it in your sock.

Just don't take it out in public, or they will put you in the dock
And you won't
Come
Back.